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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24382345">don't know how to lose you.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bugheadsblueandgold/pseuds/bugheadsblueandgold'>bugheadsblueandgold</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Riverdale (TV 2017)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Betty Cooper Loves Jughead Jones, Canon Compliant, F/M, Near Death Experiences, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Betty Cooper, Southside Serpent Jughead Jones, Suicidal Thoughts, takes place after 2x21, thoughts of dying</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:53:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>943</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24382345</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bugheadsblueandgold/pseuds/bugheadsblueandgold</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Betty can't seem to wrap her head around why Jughead would give himself over to the Ghoulies.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Betty Cooper/Jughead Jones</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>don't know how to lose you.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a pretty short oneshot that I wrote last night around 2am. Enjoy! xx</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It had been a week since Jughead had gotten out of the hospital after being attacked by Penny and the Ghoulies; a week since Betty had watched as her father revealed himself as the Black Hood before trying to kill her and her mother - a week since what Betty believes was the worst night of her entire life. She remembers seeing the boy she loves in FP’s arms, bloody and bruised, his Serpent tattoo cut off with a switchblade, remembers the way when she saw him she lost her sense of how to breathe; how it felt like the world was collapsing into itself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jughead had been on bedrest for the first couple days of the week, Betty constantly at the Jones’ trailer to bring by food and stay by his side, never really feeling close enough to his body warmth. She tries not to think about the smell of disinfectant in Riverdale General, the same smell of her house after Alice had bleached the rug that the shady man had died on, tries to forget the feeling of the cold tile that she sat against just only a month before, waiting to hear when Fred Andrews would be out of surgery. She hasn’t cried from all that has happened, and she imagines it’s due to shock, but Betty isn’t sure how much longer she can go constantly walking around with a lump in her throat, waiting for a call telling her another person she loves is on the verge of death. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re both sitting on the couch now, reruns of Seinfeld in the background as they eat takeout from the Chinese restaurant they both like. Still, Betty can’t get that night out of her mind, of Archie’s panicked call to 911, of the sight of blood everywhere, on her coat, her hands, </span>
  <em>
    <span>his body</span>
  </em>
  <span>- </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Betts? You’re zoning out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not stupid.” Betty whispers, but she can’t seem to take her eyes off of the wooden coffee table in front of them, where Jughead lays a bandaged ankle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not stupid,” She repeats, finally straying her eyes away from the sweet and sour chicken to look at his confused features, “you know how to use your head in chaotic situations, you’re a levelheaded human being. It’s why you’re such a great leader to the Serpents.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you getting at?” She brings her hands up to her face, trying to rub the stress away and clear her mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You went to the Ghoulies, though. You went to them knowing you were most likely going to get beaten to death. Who would do that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t have a choice, Betty. People would’ve gotten hurt.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> have a choice, Jughead!” Her voice raises and he winces, a symptom of the concussion he has. Betty takes a deep breath, “Sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you wanna die, Jug?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Betty-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, really, do you want to die? It’s okay if you do. I mean, I would understand if you said yes, especially after the past year that we’ve had. Sometimes I want to die, too. I think about what it’d be like to just get </span>
  <em>
    <span>one minute of peace, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and how nice that would feel, how everything would finally be calm. All I’m saying is, I guess, it’s okay if you don’t want to be here, and that’s why you went and gave yourself up to the Ghoulies, because I can’t stop thinking about it, and I honestly cannot wrap my head around any other reason you would be willing to give up your life like that. But, I have to say, if you did die, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. I can handle my dad trying to kill me and my mom, and I can get over hiding a dead man’s body. I can recover from hearing about the eight people that my father killed, but I </span>
  <em>
    <span>cannot</span>
  </em>
  <span> lose you. So can you just please, try and stay alive? For me?” She sighs, and she sees that there are tears in his eyes. When she notices that, she notices her own as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I went in there, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> focused on saving the Serpents. I knew they wanted me, and I couldn’t risk people’s lives for my sake. And I didn’t want to leave you, Betty, I would never try and intentionally leave you, but I had come to terms with it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When I was younger, and things were really bad at home, I used to think about whether or not I would turn out like my dad. And the thought of it was sickening - the idea of laying a hand on someone I loved because I couldn’t control my temper. And then when I was in the school closet, during winter break when they would shut off the heating, there were some nights where I thought about what my body temperature would be if I died right there. And then I put myself in harm’s way and used it as an excuse to save everyone. So I didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to die, but if I had, I think I would’ve been okay with it. ” It’s when he finishes that Betty notices they are both crying, and despite how heartbreaking everything he just told her was, it feels like she can finally breathe again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re gonna get through this, Jug.” She whispers as she leans her head against his good shoulder, letting tears slip onto his shirt. He presses a kiss to her temple and she feels droplets fall onto her blonde hair, kissing his shoulder in return. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, Betts. I know we will.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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